No more WW meetings :(

I HAD TO CANCEL MY MEMBERSHIP TO WW...I JUST CANT GET TO MEETINGS...ITS TO HARD WORKING ALL THE TIME.

Oops caps...

Ive been working allot...and eating not so hot...but I got on the scales at the Y tonight and I had lost 1.8 more pounds...hey its not amazing but that's an average of .5 a week...so its better then gaining that.

Anyway...I'm off to bed...

Need sleep?

Today once again I ate almost two lunches...and a bagel for breakfast. I'm not sure why I am so hungry the last few days...I can go weeks without wanting food and then bam...i will go days and not have a moment that I'm NOT hungry. Then I wonder if its the commuting to work? or is it the different place of employment? Or maybe I just am over tired...even Weight Watchers says that sleep effects weight loss:

You walk into work, confused and dulled, excusing yourself to the colleagues you bump into with tales of all the sleep you didn't get last night. Sound familiar? Of course it does. In today's world of overwhelming responsibilities and lack of — what's that? Personal time? — sleep is often put on the back burner. And your body pays the price.

A night of no sleep (or even too little sleep), can leave you confused and exhausted all day. In this disoriented state, trying to face the already-difficult challenge of sticking to your diet hardly seems worth the energy.

When Your Body Screams "Sleep!"
Of course, if insomnia is a repeat occurrence for you, visit your doctor — it could be a sign of a number of ailments, including depression. But the occasional night of not enough requires some attention on your part, too.

"Lack of sleep is a stress on the body," says Karen Miller-Kovach, Weight Watchers' chief scientist. "When you don't get enough sleep, your body's in an after-stress reaction mode, and you go to eat." And this is the worst part: "You tend not to make good choices because your body is reacting to the stress with something called disinhibition."

In other words, you're tired, so you lose the motivation and desire that, under well-rested conditions, you usually have to make good choices. "Your body sets itself up in sleep deprivation mode," continues Miller-Kovach, "psychologically and behaviorally, it's a very vulnerable time."

And that's not even counting the physiological response. When you don't get enough sleep, your body reacts in a "fight or flight" way. There's a release of sugar as fuel so your body can run away from this terrible thing that's happening to it. That sugar is then converted into fat. Research also suggests that even temporary sleep deprivation can affect the body's ability to break down carbohydrates.

Plus, a lack of rest may destroy your resolve to fit some exercise into your lunch hour — those extra minutes of exercise that keep you on the road to successful weight loss. Well-rested equals more energized. Lack of sleep? A surefire precursor to scoffing at the idea of an invigorating power walk with your buddies after work.

Who the Fuck cares?

Ive been off all weekend and yesterday-today. I just wasn't in the mood to watch what I ate...I mean don't get me wrong I have been...but def not as good as the last few weeks. I was a little down this weekend and I am not sure if that is why I just didn't care...Life gets in the way sometimes...and you are like fuck it...who cares if I have a cookie...is someone going to get sick because of it? Is it going to make me that much fatter then I am right now? That's is what always gets to me. Its not that I am an emotional eater...cause I don't necessarily eat more then I should...its just that I eat what I shouldn't because who the fuck cares...

work has been hard too...food is always around. In and around the kitchen is something to tempt me. Monday and Friday we have bagels and muffins...I mean come on...and then once - twice a week there are left over food to be eaten...like Spaghetti and cookies...and what about the Rocky Road Ice cream waiting for me to taste its rich cold softness...especially with the whip cream and rainbow sprinkles on top.

So, I am trying and working my ass off to keep it on track...when I eat to much during the day...I just eat veggies for dinner...

To sad to eat...

Today was a hard day for me...I found out my aunt/step mom however u want to put it is sick. Not sure at them moment what this might be...but she has 3 golf size tumors on the brain and 2 tumors in her lungs. Test results will be in tomorrow to see what the result will be. Its hard for me..this is the time when food comforts me...for better or worse...it does. So I did allow myself to half a cup of Rockey Road with whip cream on top...not to many points...but it was nice and tasty.

I then didn't get a chance to work out...but I didn't eat dinner either. I was to upset. Its weird I got into a little tiff with my roommate and came upstairs and layed on the bed and balled my eyes out. I cried for both Mary's...for life being so fucked up...cried because once I'm happy with something...something else happens to say nope not yet...u need more to cry about...

How can someone so young get so sick...how is that possible...look at the lives they will never have...the weddings and graduations they will miss out on. I think about all the times I bitched about her...not that they weren't warranted...and was even asked by someone if I was sad cause did I like her? What an awful thing to ask...I love her. Its funny because at her sons wedding last month I realized that she had become a part of me. I wanted to be there for her...as much as she looked for me. I guess in some ways I might be the daughter she never had...even though she isn't the best friend my mom is...she is someone who I love and is in my life...even when I'm mad or annoyed...I still love that person. Its weird...what can I say? she is a part of my life and hope to god tomorrow will bring better news then today so she can stay in my life just a little bit longer.

Pot Luck

So I don't know how bad I did today...I didn't eat tons...not by a long shot...but i didn't do great either. There was all this food...more then any buffet...cheese and grease...steak and potatoes...pasta and oil...and then the cookies and cakes...the chocolate and ice cream. So you see it was temptation after temptation...I didn't do to bad...I did do lots of control and portion control...but then came the desserts. That kills me every time...I did OK...but then throughout the day a piece here and a piece there...so I think I went over my points...BUT I didn't really eat much for dinner...I ate a spinach salad...which was 0 points...so maybe I did OK...and I did walk about 1.5 miles.

Hmmm....life on a diet...it sure can be a challenge at times...it is like banking...is this worth that amount? Then what will be left over...what if I go broke and bounce or gain in this case.

New Job...New Temptations

I started a new job today...and with that new temptations. Today wasn't bad...except I forgot to eat this morning and had to stop at the DD in the T station for a quick Chocolate Glazed Donut. So...that was that. And then lunch was sushi which was good for me. BUT tomorrow, we--well they are having Pot Luck to celebrate mothers day...I'm not sure I am invited cause I am not bringing something...but I didn't know about it until today. Its going to be tempting with all these moms favorites...which mean fattening and calorie galore...YIKES

Pounds Ive lost this year

15 pounds Chubby house cat
18 pounds 24-can case of soda
20 pounds Two–year-old child
23 pounds Average cocker spaniel
25 pounds Extra large bag of dog food